And I chanced upon this new video while looking for some piano pieces to listen to while doing my assignment (because Greensleeves will put me in a mood not suitable for assignment lol). The piano is a beautiful instrument and it creates even more beautiful music, but I guess I just prefer the guitar more. ;) /glances at my own baby Banana Chips
So yeap~ I just wanted to say that today (or yesterday) was a very special, special day. I don't think anybody really knows this about me (maybe not even friends close to me) but I don't usually do what I always encourage my friends to do. Everybody knows how this feels because everybody is guilty of this, one way or another. LOL. Sooo... I told Ben that sometimes we just gotta take risks and try breaking out of what cages us. It's difficult, yet, I know, but the following steps will always be much easier once you have taken the first. I've done it before and trust me, it's never easy for me to get out of my comfort zone. I can even have a mild panic attack just thinking about it.
I'm sure there is always this one thing- your deepest secret, or that one thing you choose to ignore- that is holding you back. I've been wanting to tell someone about this for a long time now but it's okay. Some things are better said to myself, especially things that has to begin from within. I feel like I'm stuck in a glass box. Trapped and unable to escape no matter how much I scream or smash my fists against the walls. I keep trying and trying, but I only end up with a cut-up throat and bruises. It always feels like a little more push can finally break the glass and I'd get out but no- I can't do it. The more I try, the more damage I do to myself and the more I find myself suffocating in that tiny space- and boy do I hate this.
Until I read somewhere, the night before, that what you think the world is holding you back from is actually you holding yourself back. And then I finally got it. Maybe it's true. Maybe it's not that people don't want to give me the chance, it's actually me refusing to let myself reach out for passing opportunities. Nobody is holding me back; it has always been me and only me.
And what good timing to finally understand this because today, I lived again the day I've waited way to long to live. Everybody deserves a second chance, a third chance, a forth even, and I gave myself this long-awaited second chance. It feels good to return to where I first started with someone who was too there in the beginning. It did feel like I just picked up from where I left off, though, like no time passed at all. This has got to mean something, hasn't it? :) It's a special feeling, weird even- but more than anything else, it gives me very pleasant fluttery feelings in my stomach. And I like it.
And! Jae tweeted a happy "HWAITTTANG!" with a selca and I'm taking it as an encouragement. Lol. Coincidence, fate, whatever- I've always done this for the love of Dongbang, with the love of Dongbang, and I'm continuing with it. What's more, I promised (one-sidedly) to my five boys that I will go back to what they have given me and there is no way I am not going to fulfill this promise!
And yes, I am not going to hold myself back anymore. :)
