What made my 2012:

• Inang, Amang and Aunty Rose in Singapore!
• Jay in Singapore for his Asia promotion tour.
• TAIWAN TRIP! 10 whole days of nothing but fun! 
• Going back to dance again. ^^
• Joining SKW and getting inspired by everybody I meet.
• Big Bang ALIVE Galaxy Tour in Singapore with Morgan and Sissy!
• 2NE1 New Evolution Global Tour in Singapore with Morgan and Shirz! Major love!
• ZOOOOOMBAH with Morgan and Shirz! It has brought us so much closer! 
• SMTOWN in Singapore... and the worst sprained ankle, ever.

Heees.

Hi!

First of all, if this post (and the previous posts) got up here, it means that the world didn't end. Lol! Well, I did celebrate official TVXQ Day and their 9th anniversary so the world obviously didn't end.

But eh, the world may not have ended (it may end anytime, though) but 2012 is definitely ending, whether we believe it or not.

I'm still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that today is already the last day of 2012 and that it will be 2013 in time-that-will-fly-by-faster-than-you-can-understand. It has been a crazy, crazy year and definitely nothing short of uh-maze-zing people and events. Haha, I actually already typed out an entire post on what happened this year but I changed my mind and decided to do it this way instead. Not that there is going to be any difference besides less spazzing… or not. Lol!

/at this point of time I got distracted by Dongbang's "Before U Go" and am waiting for the distraction to pass before I continue typing/

/then I randomly saw a Dongbang video on my desktop so I'm going to watch it now. I mean, hello, it's Dongbang…? Ellia rejects no Dongbang goodies!/

/so I ended up watching two videos instead lol/

Hmm~ Like I said, this year has been nothing short of amazing! Sure, I've had my fair share of not-so-amazing moments but it has greatly reduced from the past years. Everything appears differently when your perspective changes; I'm glad I learnt how to look at things from a wider angle as compared to before. I have an inkling that this sort of comes with age too. Which reminds me… OH EM GEE, I'M GONNA BE 23 NEXT YEAR.

When they said that time flies after you turn 21, I didn't really take them seriously. I mean, time always catches you off guard, as does life. But after living it, I have to say that IT IS TRUE. Time does fly after you turn 21 and it disappears round the corner before you even realize that it's headed there. It could be because you have a lot more on your plate, or simply because you are finally living your own life now. The latter is slightly more true for me because I've never felt more alive than this year. Actually, the two coincides because I am doing things that are for myself. I mean, I'm finally embarking on a journey that rests largely on my own choices and decisions.

I am my own person now. This was something I learnt last year- that I am and can be my own person- and it came along realizing that if I want to be greedy and take up every single challenge that life issues me, then I'll also have to learn how to balance it all. If 2011 saw me struggling to come to terms with only a single one side of me (which I obviously didn't because I'm greedy like that), then 2012 saw me slowly striking that balance. Trial-and-errors made have taken up quite a bit of time and Mummy probably didn't like it (and saw it as waddling about), but hey, nobody gets to their destination immediately!

So this was how my 2012 was like! Besides that one instance in April/May when I was suddenly at a loss (randomly for no reason), I was happily going on with life. I mean, if there is anything I've learnt from the past years, then this is definitely it: life goes on, whether you like it or not. When you accept things into your heart, you have to accept that there may come a day when you will need to let it go. Forget what they said about time waiting for no man- the future is waiting for you. Sure, treasure the past and let it remain a special part of you but don't get so hung up that you forget about the future. Amor fati, remember? Things always happen for a reason… you just have to have faith in life, if not, then in yourself.

I digress.

Anyway, I loosened the reins on myself. I stopped being so strict with myself and did away with some restrictions (coughBigBangand2NE1). I decided to be kinder to myself more often than being harsh on myself, convincing myself that it is not an excuse when I say that I make mistakes because I am only human aliens also make human errors.

So I went crazy.

Not crazy crazy, but fun crazy. And by fun crazy, I do not mean drinking or staying out late or going to clubs… since people's definition of fun these days pertain to those. And although I did go KPOP clubbing once (and henceforth made up my mind that KPOP or not, I don't like clubs) and entered clubs for work purposes, where I did get high on music (because err, if I am already randomly moving to beats in my head, this is what blasting loud music does to me).

By fun crazy, I mean hanging out more often with more groups of friends, going back to dance again, getting into zumba (which is like card dance and there is dance so yay, more dance!), attending events and concerts and queuing from 5am, and-- okay, I believe that's about it. Now that I look at it, it doesn't seem as fun crazy as I thought it to be… BUT IT REALLY WAS FUN CRAZY AND FUN AND CRAZY. For someone who gets high on making others laugh (with dirty jokes, no less) and laughter and music and working out, it has been a reaaaaally fun crazy year. :D

Every step we take away from the beginning, we take a step closer to the end. Every step I take away from when I was born, I take a step closer to the end. It should be this way, so I have no idea why every single step I take towards the end brings me closer to the beginning instead. I feel like I'm moving backwards and it didn't occur to me until recently that I could be going back to the person that I already was before everything that has happened up until now.

I was still struggling with confidence issues but it all got better towards the last semester of school. It was around the period when I got back to dance, which really helped because a large part of my dented confidence and insecurities stemmed from dance. Plus, it doesn't hurt that dancing again made me happier than I ever did before. If I was 90% happy before (I was always very happy and content but still felt incomplete), then dancing again raised the bar to 96%. The remaining 4% belongs to Dongbang, lol. Even Papa commented that I looked a lot happier and healthier after dancing again. As much as he is worried about me getting injured again (because I really cannot risk injuring my back again), I'm sure he is also happy that I am happy again.

There are still some things that need more working on, because I am still not entirely comfortable with completely letting loose. It only happens when I'm 101% into it but there are still times when eyes on me really puts me high on alert mode, so… yeap, still working on it. I believe that I will be okay again! :D

I'm also becoming more vocal about my likes and dislikes, while also learning that some things are better kept to oneself. As long as I know the truth, my family knows the truth, heaven knows the truth. Lol. And I've become so much louder about my love and support for Dongbang, even I am shocked. LOL.

And hmm, because I've let loose, this means that I'm no longer holding back on how and what I feel. When the emotions come, I let them and just go along with the tide. I am, surprisingly, investing a lot more emotions in everything despite my devil-may-care attitude (that has intensified over the months).

I also, errr, am beginning to put in a lot more of myself into things I am serious about doing. I've been inspired by a lot of people, significant and not-as-significant-but-still-significant-in-their-own-ways.

And although the shadows of my insecurities rear their ugly horns every now and then, I no longer am as sensitive about others' impression of me as much as before. I mean, it is YOUR loss, not mine. And you are missing out on a whole lot of laughter. LOL. Moreover, quoting Jay and Sheila Majid, as long as I'm in the clear with my family, friends and God, I shouldn't really care much. What others think of me no longer bother me as much- I know who and how I am and the people who truly care for me and love me also know… and that's all that matters.

Ehhh, after so many paragraphs, what I'm trying to say can be summed up in a few words: I am being who I am. Learning and letting the experiences burn into me as I, too, mold against them. I'll never know who I'll be at the end of the day, because when the experiences begin to vary, I, too, begin to shift accordingly. Interesting is such and such is life. ^^

I look forward to a better and crazier and more hyped up 2013, because now that I know how to recharge myself, I can charge forward with never-ending energy! Chiong arrr! /battle cry/

That said, I've been a very, very blessed and lucky child to have received everything I have this year! Thank you, God, for always being there for me and thank you, Ah Gong, for always protecting me from the safe and beautiful place you are at now. Thank you to my parents who never left my side and always supported me and thank you to the friends, old and new, for simply being my friends. Every single one of you count! /hugs/

May 2013 be a better and bigger year for y'all too! Let's work towards the bright future that is waiting for us~ HWAITING!

:Dv