Time flies- and I'm lagging behind.

I want to.

It's just a pity how growing up and time goes hand in hand. As I grow, time begins to fleet by a lot faster- and I'm already 22 now. It won't be for long before I turn 23, then 24, then 25, and so on. And as I age, as time moves on, things change.

In fact, everything works together to constantly remind me that one or the other is happening. I'm aging, time is flying by and everything is changing. Every single day, I don't get a break from these reminders and whenever I address these feelings, I'm always left with a strange emptiness in the middle of me.

:(

Time is flying and I cannot catch up. I refuse to, because maybe, just maybe, if I were to move forward at my own pace, I'd be able to keep everything- and everybody- by my side for just a little longer. Every second counts, you know, and every memory counts just as much. And as I slowly run out of time- as we slowly run out of time- I slowly run out of the time I have left with everybody.

But it is already happening. The beginning to the end… it has already begun.

Last year, I realized that the loss of loved ones is one of the earliest indications of growing up. People who have been a part of my life ever since I was born, whether or not we are close, are slowly leaving me. People I've known all my life are suddenly not here anymore. They are now buried under the ground that I stand on, forcing me to remember that their existences are no longer valid. Within three years, I lost four of such people. And more, too, in between, because grief kills.

Then comes what flaunts itself right in my face every single day: the changes in the neighborhood. Although the place has gotten reasonably prettier, it has also gotten reasonably unfamiliar. Look at Parkway and the changes done to her. Sure, it's for the better, but then… And! We are facing too many criminal cases now! We never had such problems until this year!

And er, yea, me growing up. Okay, maybe not growing up- just aging. I have learnt and grown a reasonable amount, though! I'm getting closer and closer to the day I have a proper and stable income, and being able to support myself and my parents. Every single step I take towards this day is another step I take away from what I used to have- the luxury of time and abundance of choices. I think I may sooner or later have to bid these goodbye- but only if I have to.

What, you think I'd let anything- or anybody- take away what I was born with? Pfft. I won't, and the only struggle here is having to accept that time is quickly running out and that there is only this much time I have left to do whatever I want to do. Honestly, it won't be long before I'm watching my kids have their own kids- and them going through whatever I've been and am going through.

You know, I'm not too eager to keep up with the times (whatever and however it may be) and I don't really think anyone should, too. You will eventually catch up, or time will catch up on you. So, riding on this belief, very typical of Ellia, I'm just gonna do things at my own pace. I mean, live at my own pace because my efforts will set in place for me the privilege to do so.

:D

I'm not shirking from responsibilities or anything, okay. After all, sooner or later, I'm gonna die and I'm gonna be reunited with the people I love in my own heaven. We're all gonna die and we're all gonna see people we have missed for years. So don't be too eager to grow up or anything.

Just breathe, live and enjoy.

:)