three years. it isnt too long but it isnt too short, either. it is just enough for one to remember and regret. maybe this is how one can be happy and sad at the same time. hugging the future and seeing the future, but still linking fingers with the past, still yearning to learn towards the shadows.

im happy, you know, happier than happy, but every this time of the year, i am entitled to my own twenty four hours of nothing but everything negative. let me feel sad, let me feel remorseful, let me feel guilty, let me cry, let me wail, let me whine, let me do anything but smile- just let me go back to when i died.

you know, i've realized that maybe i never really let go of anything too entirely. well, maybe, but what if i've always had a tiny shard of memory tucked away in my heart? i know im not good with my head, but my heart remembers everything. intentionally or not, it remembers and it remembers well. so well, i dont even want to know if it's a good thing. lol. but oh well, this is probably one of the reasons why i will always remember to thank heavens for welcoming me back under their wings, for blessing me. every single day i never fail to thank God for letting me be one of His blessed child... because once you've tasted how salty your tears can be, you will thank your lucky stars even for the most bitter ones.

dont wait any longer. if you love someone, let them know. and please, dont ever prioritize anything before them. your loved ones should always come first. i learnt it through the hard way and heaven forbid i let myself put anybody and anything before my family again. not even myself.

i still miss you so much. :'(



if we have had enough affinity to be family this lifetime, then one day, we will be grandfather and granddaughter again. :)