trying to brighten up my day. T_T

but i've been in a foul mood ever since the official announcement of the cancellation of jaechunsu's concert in singapore. :(

you have no idea how much i wanted to whine and throw childish tantrums. but i cant. i want to cry, i want to scream, i want to let our my frustrations- but i cant. no matter how i want to stop being an understanding fan- just for once, let me be unreasonable- i just cant.

i want to blame someone but i cant.

i want to blame the boys, but i cant because i know that they weren't the ones who cancelled the concert and they wouldn't have been able to do anything. i want to blame the companies, but i cant because i don't know what goes on behind.

so i end up blaming myself.

:'(

it's just that after getting all happy and excited about the concert and even already getting prepared for it, to have a bomb like this dropped on you… it sucks. :(

i even wanted to say, "micks, you broke your promise! you promised last year that you'd come back for a concert."

:(

but i cant find it in myself to mean what i just typed out, because it is something not within his control, either.

it sucks even more because they are performing new songs and i am gonna miss this awesome concert directed by jae himself.

:'(

and it sucks so much more when i asked my parents if i could go to taiwan to watch their concert and they objected to it. okay, not that a strong objection but still…!!! it's because it was supposed to be mine and suddenly it's not that i really want to fight for it, to get it back! :(

mummy, i know they'll probably be back in singapore again but looking at what actually led to the cancellation, how long will it take? will it actually end up the same way again? mummy, you should know better than anyone else how i really, really am a fan of these amazing boys. i didn't even stop you when you kept making me look for rain-related stuff. T_T

so i threw a tantrum, something i haven't done in a looooooong while. and damn, did it feel good. and then i felt ashamed of myself after that. o_o i should be doing something to convince them that i can be trusted to take care of myself when im there to watch a concert, not whining through tears that i want to see dongbang!

T_T

sooooo, it's okay if i cant make it for the taiwan's stop. im gonna try for the china one, then the korea one. they'd eventually say yes to my pleas… right?

sigh.

i don't even know why im so persistent about it when it's not the first time i dont get to watch their concert. know why? it was supposed to be mine- ours- that's why.

sigh.

told you that dongbang brings out the best and the worst of the worst in me.

:'(