people are always asking, "dongbang is as good as disbanded already. why are you still 'keeping the faith'?"

before, i'd go into a frenzy and tell them that no, they have not disbanded and as long as they haven't officially announced it, then no, they have not disbanded. now, i just keep quiet and smile.

haven't you ever want to hold onto something and not let go even until the day you die?

in fact, the more my hands bleed from holding onto this thread of hope too tightly, the more i will hold on. the more painful it is, the more i will not let go. the more i miss seeing them together as five again, the more i know i can never stop believing or hoping.

haven't i said it enough? dongbang has given me too much, way too much. and the only thing i can do is support them by buying their albums/dvds (although im not as hardcore as other cassias who buy their singles as well- im financially limited), try to give my best in everything i do with them as my inspiration and motivation and spreading the love everywhere. i think everybody's very familiar with me spreading my love for dongbang and kpop... lol. :D

yes, this is going to sound silly and fangirl-ly, but i really think it's the truth. if not for dongbang, i wouldn't be who i am today.

i started dancing because i wanted to experience the kind of confidence yunho always exuded when he was dancing (and completely captivated me). and i know how much learning to dance has given to me: life-long friends and irreplaceable memories that i've made with them. and only my parents know how grounded i've become because of dance.

i also started getting interested in the korean culture and from the bottom of my heart, i would like to honestly say that i truly, sincerely and genuinely want to learn about the korean culture. i wouldn't have enrolled myself in a language school to learn korean just because i want to be able to speak korean with dongbang. lol. no, it's because im interested in the language and im still filling up the pages of the notebook where my korean vocabulary is growing by the day.

and i've learnt so much about myself.

today, the best thing that i've learnt about myself is how persistent and determined i can be for dongbang. and lol, saying logical things on the forum just to calm fellow cassies. logic and ellialyn hardly comes together, so… and yeah, how optimistic and strong i can stay just for them. i've seen too many come and go since the start of the lawsuit and i have to admit, it hurts a lot whenever i see people who used to help one another on the forum turn against each other. it's like seeing your best friends hit each other and you don't know whose side you should be on…

and the most important thing dongbang has given to me: dreams.

if you have a dream, go after it. don't be afraid to show or express how passionate you are about it. don't be afraid to want to fly free while going after it… don't be afraid to want to do things the way you want to. this is your world, your life and you have every single right to do whatever you want to and with it. dream, just dream.

so no matter how often i get reprimanded by others for dreaming too much, i wont stop dreaming.

so yes, stop asking me why im still blahblahblah-ing when blahblahblah is already blahblahblah-ed. go find something you know you can commit yourself to and try to understand how it is like to dedicate a part of your life to it. find something you love and see what happens after that. =)

always keeping the faith,
ellialyn, the one who will never give up on either of dongbangshinki

and a beautiful song with meaningful lyrics to end off (although i've shared this song before)~

and i've come to realize… that no matter how happy i am right now, my life just cant seem to be complete without dongbang together again. but i have hope, i'll always have hope. =)