HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!!

i hope everybody will spend it lovey-dovey-ly with their special someone! :D

aww man, it's valentine's day but im going to the library to do my research for my aa report. lol. quoting tumblr's super iconic and favorite character, "FOREVER ALONE!" HAHAHAHA. im not alone if i have my girls, am i? ;) and my dongbang. *coughs* teehee. XD

and oh! i just want to share this little audio recording of a song joon and linh. ;)

both junsu and haeri did an awesome job! because if just listening to their voices made me cry, then it certainly meant that they have done something right, right? haha, although i only managed to pick up bits and pieces of meaning with my broken korean (and i cant really hear some words properly lol), this song tugged at my heartstrings. ;) i just hate to remember that these two people who love each other so dearly couldnt have their happy ending. *goes to one corner and cries again*

of course i want to love someone like i've never loved others before! this may or may not count but at least for now, this is how it is so for dongbang and i. LOL, dongbang and i seh~ but oh well, they have a special standing in my heart and life and if it is because of this love and support for them that i will always compare guys to them (of course, they are incomparable) that i will never find others good enough... i guess it's worth it. LOL.

but of course, i am not a delusional fangirl. a fangirl, yes, but definitely not delusional. a fangirl's dream is a fangirl's dream, but fangirlism aside, i am living in a real world, the real world. lol. but it'd be nice to be able to really love someone the way i know i will always love dongbang. and it'd be absolutely lovely to be able to find someone the way papa and mummy found each other. ;)

hmm. it feels weird doing this because this isnt my style but yeah, of course i want to have my special someone too! but like mummy has always asked, who will like me? LOL. im not the most girlish- okay, feminine- girl and it's not everyday i wake up feeling like i want to look good today. dressing up makes me tired~ just the thought of it now makes me tired, lol. i like the feeling of people i love and care for smiling and laughing because of me, and so i sometimes things to make them smile and laugh, things that my parents dont really like me doing. LOLLL. i know im turning twenty-one this year, but i cant help it if i still have the heart of a child~ haha.

everybody wants and needs to be loved- so do i. just not now. i've had my fair share of liking others and honestly, i dont think i've ever liked anybody the way i've liked zy so much before. i think it bordered between strong like and love (yeah, puppy love) but that's besides the point, lol. i've had only one relationship before and it didnt even last long, but it was what happened after that helped me realize what kind of a person i am in a relationship. maybe it's also about who the other person is, but i dont think im yet ready to share my short 24 hours with another person. at least, not yet- or, i still dont know how to.

if im already complaining about 24 hours being too short- i want to write, i want to read, i want to play the guitar, i want to write songs, i want to dance, i want to spend quality time with family and friends, i need time to myself and i fricking need to dongbang lol and cherry on top, i have school to attend- i dont know where in between im gonna find time for a boyfriend and a relationship. LOL. so yes, kudos to everybody who's juggling everything. mad respect!

and yes, also because i am still tapping on the waters of this world. im still exploring, still learning, still trying to figure myself out and find my place in this world. my life has yet to begin and very, very honestly, i'd rather spend time on myself first. after learning that knowing how to love yourself is more important than anything else... yeah. im no longer the little girl who's too eager to experience things and hence rushed into it, resulting in unnecessary heartache and regrets. still a girl at heart, just not naive anymore. ;)

aiyahhh, eventually, i'd want to have someone to love and that someone better love and respect me the way i will definitely love and respect him! whoever you're gonna be, im still lacking in a lot of areas but if you love me, then you will accept all of my flaws, right? and well, why dont you make up for them with your good points then? HAHAHA! just kidding, but just to let you know too, i will never change the way i am for anybody. not even for my parents. so, yeah... ;)

so, even though this isnt me, i'd still like to write a little letter to my future boyfriend/husband, whoever you may be and wherever you are at...

HELLO!

lol, this is ellialyn, your future girlfriend/wife. good luck to you, and lucky you! LOL. just kidding but hey, i hope you are doing good. =) okay, this is getting awkward... just so you know, im quite an awkward person so you have to forgive me for the awkward silences and pauses during our conversations, okay?

hmm. i shouldnt be apologizing for it but im sorry, anyway, for not being feminine enough. i grew up with my boy cousins and my closest and most trusted friend is ahben (warning: you better not get on his bad side because my best friend will get back at you for that!), i grew up watching boyish cartoons and i grew up punching and kicking boys. LOL. but dont worry, i am still a girl and i do behave like a girl, too. only sometimes, though, like whenever the moon turns blue. :D

okay. i dont want to do this anymore because there's too many i have to say... you will find out when we finally do find each other. ;) for now, just live well and keep yourself safe and healthy!

love, me

haha, oh well. ;)

once again, wishing everybody a HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY! :D :D :D