hypophrenia.
sometimes, really, it is this how hollow emptiness in you feels that makes you want to be happy. at least for me,it is.
this always happens in the middle of the night, when all silence throbs in my ears even when i have the music blasting loudly in my ears. if there is such a thing as being alone even when you are surrounded by many, then there is also such a thing as hearing only silence when you are listening to others.
this hardly happens now; the sudden urge to want to dig my heart out to claw at is more common. lol. and then i'd deliberately let things that i've promised myself never to get to me, get to me. but eh, the "common" refers to once in a few months so yeah, it's not that common… lol.
back then, so caught up in my own remorse and guilt, i forgot how to feel joy and delight. now, i forgot how to feel sad. or rather, i don't know how to be sad. this is just one confirmation that im really 2007's ellialyn again, because until 2008, all i knew was how to just let things be and accept them the way they are. nothing bothered or worried me and even if anything did, it never lasted a few hours. but being happy is good, so yeap! ;D
but oh well, there are still times when i'd revisit this sadness just for the sake of feeling sad. again. lol. and the things that follow after each attempt just gives light to how much things- my mentality (i think it's my mental and emotional health lol)- have changed. for the better, of course. so yeah…
haha. it's good to be happy, so keep smiling!
;D ;D ;D
don't wait for happiness to choose you- YOU choose to be happy and have happiness by your side!
cheers! ;D
