my favorite time of the year has arrived! :D :D :D
in just a few hours' time, it will be 2011. wow, how quickly time flies us by~
i hope everybody had a good 2010, because i really did. although the first few months may have still been a pretty bumpy ride for me, but it was the last of it. and i did it- i finally, finally did it. i walked out of the shadows i cast upon myself. and while i may still have a teeny weeny bit of fear of losing, i don't think anything or anybody is gonna hurt me anymore than how i have hurt myself.
i may have forgotten that feeling, but there are still times when i try to feel it again. that utter despair and struggling desperation… it was a time when i believe that nobody could ever understand what i was going through. it wasn't just ahgong's death… it was the way everything had happened at the same time and kept coming at me. for the first time, i believed that i wasn't strong.
im okay now. i really am! i've freed myself from everything i've blamed myself for… i've understood that mistakes must be made for us to be able to learn. and i've learnt that a broken person can become complete again.
im as good as gold now! :D
and it's true. only you get to decide for yourself how happy you want to be. i've always been a happy person- just somebody who experienced two years of a little separation from happiness. im thankful for many things this year- countless, in fact- because big or small, every single one of them left a tiny footprint in my heart and will always be remembered. but~
1. Koh Samui trip with DIVAS
although i left for this beautiful place with a still-heavy heart, i returned feeling slightly better. it may be just a slight improvement, but an improvement nonetheless. ;)
maybe it was the crashing waves that cleared the fog from my mind, or maybe it was the serenity of watching the sunset and the sunrise that eventually calmed my racing thoughts down. or maybe, all i needed was just a little time away from all of the complication… but whatever it was, it made me feel good again. so, thank you!
2. Jay Park and his showcase
if not for him, i would not have been able to overcome the last stages and eventually make it to today.
thank you, jay, for showing to everybody how positive you are and sharing that energy with us all. im truly touched and inspired by how optimistic you are and how you will always move forward… and just by being who you are, love and respect, i've learnt how to forgive myself and have hope again. so, thank you, jay. really, really, thank you.
and thank you to papa for my birthday present, which is a ticket to jay's showcase. i was jumping around the house happily on 5july when i learnt that he was really coming to singapore and papa immediately offered to buy me a ticket. thank you, papa! and i secretly think that papa is a secret fanboy too. lol. shhhhh!
and erm, so i just randomly tried for an online contest to win the meet&greet ticket and randomly won it. lol. but rather than winning the ticket, i was more happy about being able to meet jay! because i wanted to say "thank you" to him personally… even if i ended up ignoring him and posing for the camera instead. what, im camera-sensitive, okay! lol.
yay~ the picture with jay!
im really sorry for ignoring him and just caring about the camera. because erm, that moment will eventually fade away to the blacks of my memories but the picture will stay… so i chose the picture, lol.
and yeah, im worried that i will come out darker than he is. lol. so yes, although gugumama thinking that we look good together like a couple (micks isn't gonna be happy) or timtim saying that we look like siblings (that's freaky lol) or mummy saying how our height match, i really am more happy than i came out not darker than he is.
what, he already has glowing skin… isn't it fair enough that i want to be the fairer one?!
but lol, these days when i look at the picture (still my phone's wallpaper), i will end up laughing and hurry in putting my phone away. because 1. it's too funny and i don't even know what is so funny and 2. i cannot bear to look at it any more loll. but hey, i really appreciate this picture, aight!
but the funniest thing is getting to see my mother get all excited about jay's arrival. she was the one who insisted on cabbing down to the airport with me, even though i've assured her that i will be safe there and want to take a nice, long bus ride… and who was the one checking if he has landed every five minutes?! …and waking me up hours before i planned to wake up because she wants me to queue up earlier for the showcase. T_T
but yes, thank you, jay, for letting me witness this side of my mama. it was a very interesting experience, lol! XD
3. JYJ "The Beginning" Showcase in Singapore
i was upset that the boys had to squeeze us into their tight schedule but then again, i really, really want to watch them perform live. contradicting feelings but i don't think i can ever be more grateful for it.
papa and mummy were upset, though. because meimei and i didn't get additional tickets for them. yeah, papa is a fan of junsu ever since he saw him at the airport… lol. mummy? she just wants to check out her son-in-laws.
you can ask meimei because she was sitting beside me, or the nice lady and her daughter who sold their tickets to us, also sitting beside me. i was just cheering my lungs out through the entire showcase and stopped only when they were talking. when we got home, meimei complained to mummy that i have a good stamina for the wrong reason. LOLLL.
and being a part of the red ocean… i teared up many, many times. being able to watch them live, even if it was only the three of them… i teared up many, many times. actually, i secretly cried a little when they were singing "chajatta". but it was supposed to be a happy thing! so i quickly wiped my tears away and smiled and sang along. :D
that night, i realized how much i love dongbang, if i don't already know. but to have it buzz even from my fingertips… i love these five boys so much, too much. that's why, i will never, ever give up on keeping the faith for them.
because dongbangshinki is five and these five belong together.
4. KPOP Dance Battle by Teenage Magazine
this is the most random event of my life. we never expected that what started out as an innocent comment and randomly flipping through the magazine (because i wanted jay's poster- long story though) would eventually bring us through the auditions, semi-finals and finals of the kpop dance battle.
on my part, it's wanting to express how much i love kpop, its culture and dongbang and jay. also, it's a promise between morgan and i. so we went for it!
honestly, neither of us wanted to make it to the finals. because we had school, LOL. we wanted to be over and done with it, that's why we were ……….. when we were announced to be one of the groups that had made it to the finals. lol.
also, neither of us thought that we deserved it… there were so many better groups! but it was an opportunity given to us, so we just hwaiting-ed and chiong-ed. the funniest thing is that choreo that we only practiced hours before the real thing is the neatest segment of our entire item. SUPER LMAO LOR! XD
thank you to the six only people who came down to support us: nana, shirley, claudie, tux, morgan's bro and sis-in-law. especially nana, shirley and claudia who were there for us from our auditions. a big thank you to shirley who helped us out by commenting. and the biggest thank you goes to nana who did a lot of the sai kang for us.
and thank you to morgan, for being the M in M&E. =)
spread the KPOP love! :D :D :D
and yeah, i love how my voice appears in every single video of groups that danced to mirotic. i be repping dongbang and cassiopeia wherever i go, chyeah!
i may have forgotten that feeling, but there are still times when i try to feel it again. that utter despair and struggling desperation… it was a time when i believe that nobody could ever understand what i was going through. it wasn't just ahgong's death… it was the way everything had happened at the same time and kept coming at me. for the first time, i believed that i wasn't strong.
im okay now. i really am! i've freed myself from everything i've blamed myself for… i've understood that mistakes must be made for us to be able to learn. and i've learnt that a broken person can become complete again.
im as good as gold now! :D
and it's true. only you get to decide for yourself how happy you want to be. i've always been a happy person- just somebody who experienced two years of a little separation from happiness. im thankful for many things this year- countless, in fact- because big or small, every single one of them left a tiny footprint in my heart and will always be remembered. but~
THINGS I AM THANKFUL FOR IN 2010:
1. Koh Samui trip with DIVAS
although i left for this beautiful place with a still-heavy heart, i returned feeling slightly better. it may be just a slight improvement, but an improvement nonetheless. ;)
maybe it was the crashing waves that cleared the fog from my mind, or maybe it was the serenity of watching the sunset and the sunrise that eventually calmed my racing thoughts down. or maybe, all i needed was just a little time away from all of the complication… but whatever it was, it made me feel good again. so, thank you!
2. Jay Park and his showcase
if not for him, i would not have been able to overcome the last stages and eventually make it to today.
thank you, jay, for showing to everybody how positive you are and sharing that energy with us all. im truly touched and inspired by how optimistic you are and how you will always move forward… and just by being who you are, love and respect, i've learnt how to forgive myself and have hope again. so, thank you, jay. really, really, thank you.
and thank you to papa for my birthday present, which is a ticket to jay's showcase. i was jumping around the house happily on 5july when i learnt that he was really coming to singapore and papa immediately offered to buy me a ticket. thank you, papa! and i secretly think that papa is a secret fanboy too. lol. shhhhh!
and erm, so i just randomly tried for an online contest to win the meet&greet ticket and randomly won it. lol. but rather than winning the ticket, i was more happy about being able to meet jay! because i wanted to say "thank you" to him personally… even if i ended up ignoring him and posing for the camera instead. what, im camera-sensitive, okay! lol.
yay~ the picture with jay!
im really sorry for ignoring him and just caring about the camera. because erm, that moment will eventually fade away to the blacks of my memories but the picture will stay… so i chose the picture, lol.
and yeah, im worried that i will come out darker than he is. lol. so yes, although gugumama thinking that we look good together like a couple (micks isn't gonna be happy) or timtim saying that we look like siblings (that's freaky lol) or mummy saying how our height match, i really am more happy than i came out not darker than he is.
what, he already has glowing skin… isn't it fair enough that i want to be the fairer one?!
but lol, these days when i look at the picture (still my phone's wallpaper), i will end up laughing and hurry in putting my phone away. because 1. it's too funny and i don't even know what is so funny and 2. i cannot bear to look at it any more loll. but hey, i really appreciate this picture, aight!
but the funniest thing is getting to see my mother get all excited about jay's arrival. she was the one who insisted on cabbing down to the airport with me, even though i've assured her that i will be safe there and want to take a nice, long bus ride… and who was the one checking if he has landed every five minutes?! …and waking me up hours before i planned to wake up because she wants me to queue up earlier for the showcase. T_T
but yes, thank you, jay, for letting me witness this side of my mama. it was a very interesting experience, lol! XD
3. JYJ "The Beginning" Showcase in Singapore
i was upset that the boys had to squeeze us into their tight schedule but then again, i really, really want to watch them perform live. contradicting feelings but i don't think i can ever be more grateful for it.
papa and mummy were upset, though. because meimei and i didn't get additional tickets for them. yeah, papa is a fan of junsu ever since he saw him at the airport… lol. mummy? she just wants to check out her son-in-laws.
you can ask meimei because she was sitting beside me, or the nice lady and her daughter who sold their tickets to us, also sitting beside me. i was just cheering my lungs out through the entire showcase and stopped only when they were talking. when we got home, meimei complained to mummy that i have a good stamina for the wrong reason. LOLLL.
and being a part of the red ocean… i teared up many, many times. being able to watch them live, even if it was only the three of them… i teared up many, many times. actually, i secretly cried a little when they were singing "chajatta". but it was supposed to be a happy thing! so i quickly wiped my tears away and smiled and sang along. :D
that night, i realized how much i love dongbang, if i don't already know. but to have it buzz even from my fingertips… i love these five boys so much, too much. that's why, i will never, ever give up on keeping the faith for them.
because dongbangshinki is five and these five belong together.
4. KPOP Dance Battle by Teenage Magazine
this is the most random event of my life. we never expected that what started out as an innocent comment and randomly flipping through the magazine (because i wanted jay's poster- long story though) would eventually bring us through the auditions, semi-finals and finals of the kpop dance battle.
on my part, it's wanting to express how much i love kpop, its culture and dongbang and jay. also, it's a promise between morgan and i. so we went for it!
honestly, neither of us wanted to make it to the finals. because we had school, LOL. we wanted to be over and done with it, that's why we were ……….. when we were announced to be one of the groups that had made it to the finals. lol.
also, neither of us thought that we deserved it… there were so many better groups! but it was an opportunity given to us, so we just hwaiting-ed and chiong-ed. the funniest thing is that choreo that we only practiced hours before the real thing is the neatest segment of our entire item. SUPER LMAO LOR! XD
thank you to the six only people who came down to support us: nana, shirley, claudie, tux, morgan's bro and sis-in-law. especially nana, shirley and claudia who were there for us from our auditions. a big thank you to shirley who helped us out by commenting. and the biggest thank you goes to nana who did a lot of the sai kang for us.
and thank you to morgan, for being the M in M&E. =)
spread the KPOP love! :D :D :D
and yeah, i love how my voice appears in every single video of groups that danced to mirotic. i be repping dongbang and cassiopeia wherever i go, chyeah!
a huge thank you to the people who did not give up on me even when i have chosen to step over. and i really need to thank ahben for listening to me without reprimanding me or trying to "talk sense into me", because there are times when all one will need is someone who is willing to just listen.
i was standing at the edge, confused and all, and didn't need anymore "advices" on what i should and should not do to confuse me any further. so yes, not everybody who needs somebody to talk to needs "advice" from them. just give them your listening ear and you could very well be saving someone from leaping off the cliff.
=)
and most importantly, thank you, God, for believing that i could overcome this. although it took some two years, i eventually made it. thank you, thank you so much for having this kind of belief in me. =)
have a wonderful 2011, too! :D :D :D
ps/ i dont even need 2011 to be physically here to know how good it is gonna be. i already know- i feel it. ;)
