i achieved something i consider amazing: i finished two fanfics today!

i pick fanfics to read the way i choose which books to buy, so yeah.. im neither a good writer nor a good reader but i do deserve the rights to choose whatever i think is good enough for me to read, right…? =)

first story had me bawling my eyes out for the last 10++ chapters. it was horrible, trying to read through my tears and it sure was painful. but i couldn’t help it. :( it was a lovely story with of love, friendship and family.. and as much as i dislike tragic endings, sigh.. i just gotta learn how to accept them.

second story builds around friendship and the righteousness people had, whether or not they were “good” or “bad” people. and this, i realized, was something that i have long lost. i used to have that in me, you know, i used to fiercely stand up for what i believed in.. and yeah, of course, the story involved romance lahhh. lol. i just lol-ed and omg-ed when it was revealed that the leading female character’s ex-boyfriend was micky, lol! because i was guessing it from the beginning, hehhh.

i said that i was going to have a good day, didn’t i?

i pretty sure had a good great day.

i read two good stories. i got to know about two more good writers. i realized that the spark in me never really died.

i once realized something: every single day, when you open your eyes, you are embarking on a brand new adventure because every single day, you discover, learn and understand something new about yourself.

1. emotions: im not ashamed of them but im not most proud of them. i do appreciate them but i really wonder.. why do i have so much of them…? and they keep building up with each story i throw myself into.. they just keep getting more and more intense.

2. sometimes, i get too caught up in everything, i end up confusing myself. well, it was confusion until a few weeks ago when i realized what is was. this sounds a little silly but it’s almost like me having to choose between the worlds i want to be in. i cant really explain well now because i have yet to calm down from the two stories, but the closest example i can give is limbo (inception). yeah.

3. a lot of things always rush through my mind whenever the emotions are surging. emotions that i got from reading, adopted from the characters’ and my own emotions, twisted in a thick rope and winding around me. that’s when my heart feels the heaviest and i feel extremely helps and vulnerable.. and i always need a lot of time to calm down before i can speak coherently. but i want to remember those feelings! i want to write them down, but i cant.. until i calm down. lol.

i think i am still incoherent. and well.. nobody reads this anyway, lol. but i like putting everything down in words, because i like to see how i try to explain what cannot be explained. =)

have a good night!!