out of the darkness,

and into the bright lights.

=)

i believe i am okay now. no, i AM okay now. maybe i havent found anybody who is really willing to listen to my every rant and complains, but it's okay. at the end of the day, i will always still have myself, me and i. for now, i will depend on myself. i will hold myself up and i wont let myself fall. if that ever happens, then i'd be letting myself down.

this may sound silly, but i think i was somewhat affected because of what has happened to dongbang. i mean, they have always been my support, my source of strength, my motivation.. to have them the way they are now definitely was ground-shaking for me. okay lah, i know it sounds super silly but then i cant help it if i see them as the pillars of my life, right? the reason why i walked on the path i am walking on today.. they are part of the reason. to have experienced so much, felt so much, learnt so much, understood so much- it is very much thanks to them. so with the recent (okay, not so recent) stuff going on, my world more or less turned topsy-turvy for a few moments.

this, with everything that i have been going through these past few weeks, resulted in me feeling like the sky just fell on me without a single care.

but no matter what, my beloved dongbang boys will always remain my source of strength, and even though they are not physically together as one right now, they are still giving me strength. :) together with these five boys, there is another person i look up to. i dont know when it began, but this person has grown to become a part of my daily life and watching him face everyday with such optimism makes me wanna really be the strong person i know i can be.

thank you, jay park, for being such a positive influence on my life. if you can pick yourself up, why cant i? so yeah, thank you! keep dancing, keep singing, keep performing! pssst, do let dialtone know that i am always awed by his bboying and let steproc know that i like his choreographies! and yeah, it was him who let me re-realize that even if the world leaves me, God never will. :)

so yeap, i have gathered myself back together (i think i was floating around aimlessly, lol) and made quite a few decisions. for my own good, and for others' good too. and of course, my top priority will always be my parents. the koh samui trip has made me realize how homesick i can be (i missed home super crazily lor), hence forcing me to re-evaluate my decision to study overseas. the time has not come yet, so hehhh, i still have many many days to think it through and to discuss with my parents! :) but yeah, for now, i know what i wanna do!

first love. true love. last love.

yeap, im going back to my first love: music.

i remember always pestering papa to enrol me in some music class, haha. how could i have given up violin that easily?! and why the hell did i cut the strings of the guitar...?! it was a fricking birthday gift and i bloody hell snapped the strings with a pair of scissors. OMG. why. did. i. -.- hee, i wanna learn the guitar lah. cannot meh. tsk. if i havent tried, how would i know that i cant? :)

cannot doesnt exist until it happens;
always try before you say that you cannot.

welcome my new motto in life. :) next to amor fati, of course. i will always believe that in life, things happen for a reason. of course, you have to make the reason worthwhile! dont lower it to an excuse!

hwaiting, dear ellialyn! hwaiting, hwaiting!!!

:D :D :D